I’ve always been amazed at how consistantly great Nike’s commercials are. I don’t know how they always come up with such captivating ads, whether they be of the humorous or the bone-chilling variety. Wait, I think I do know the answer to that question. Nike probably grosses about $68,374 billion in yearly revenue from their clever little horizontal J logo, which lets them hire the smartest advertising minds to write their commercials and the best athletes to appear in them. Spending a lot of money always equates to a great product. Just ask Kevin Costner about Waterworld, Knicks’ fans about their amazing basketball team, or Michael Jackson about his astonishing looking nose.
But who really cares why Nike always makes such good commercials. Here’s a list of the 20 best they’ve made:
20. Kevin Garnett Dominates The Neighborhood
Wow, I don’t know how much Nike spends on writing their advertisements, but after finding this commercial online and remembering Kevin Garnett was in a Nike commercial, I’m wondering how much Nike spends on their research and development department. Who at Nike didn’t think signing Garnett to a long-term endorsement contract was a good idea? Obviously someone, since KG spent years pimping everyone’s favorite sneaker company, And-1. But this really is a quality commercial.
19. Dennis Hopper As Mad Referee
Truthfully, I don’t find this commercial that good at all. But I always love when a celebrity decides he’s ready for the cheap paycheck and gets in a crappy commercial. Granted, this isn’t as bad as a former Batman doing Budweiser commercials, or Coach Norman Dale plugging a store that sells two-by-fours and caulk, but it’s still not very good. I just don’t understand what Hopper (along with Clooney & Hackman for that matter) are thinking. “Hey, I’ve won an Academy Award, I’m going to really push myself now and see if I can win a Clio!” This would be like D-Wade declaring that now that he’s won an NBA Title, he’s going to try to move to Greece and win a championship overseas. I hope that extra paycheck was worth your acting soul, Dennis Hopper!
18. Sampras & Agassi - Opposites
I love this commercial - these two guys really did seem to be two completely different personalities, and this commercial is a brilliant way to depict it. But if what they’re saying is true, how can anyone not go with Pete? Santana over Pearl Jam? Jeopardy over Seinfeld? God Andre why don’t you pick being dead over living next? But I won’t penalize Andre too much, mainly because if Nike tried this commercial in 2007, it would probably have to feature James Blake and Andy Roddick, and the banter would sound more like this:
17. Michael Jordan - Failure
Hey, if Nike can convince Michael Jordan to do an ad where he acknowledges himself as a repeated failure I’m all for it. Someone should throw Bode Miller, Charles Rogers, Darius Miles, Pacman Jones, and every other prima donna athlete who lacked the effort and focus to succeed after getting some cash in their pockets and lock them in a room, forcing them to watch this commercial on repeat. Then again, those four would probably turn the room into a wilder scene than Las Vegas during the 2007 NBA All-Star weekend. Maybe we should scrap that idea, unless we’re planning to bring home the troops from Iraq to monitor these guys.
You do have to love how Nike somehow pairs the perfect music to these bone-chilling commercials though. Just dead on with this one.
16. Tiger Woods - Hello World
Now THIS is a bone-chilling commercial. Even with all the accolades this commercial throws out there, it still didn’t completely encompass how huge Tiger would become. Maybe Nike should’ve had a chalkboard with Nicklaus, Palmer, and Hogan’s pictures drawn on it, and had an adolescent Tiger walk up and erase those pictures, because that’s the only way this commercial could really have foreshaddowed Tiger’s impact on golf and the world as a whole.
I would like a 2007 updated version, however, where the advertisement says ‘I will have my closest PGA peers urinate on their own legs when paired with me in a final grouping on Sundays’. My gut feeling is we could find a picture of Sergio Garcia peeing his pants sometime in the last 5 years. Nike also could probably eliminate the caveat about Tiger not being able to play some courses because of his skin color. I think he could pretty much buy those courses at this point in time.
15. The Michael Vick Experience
This could be the coolest commercial on this list in terms of Nike basing the commercial’s theme off of what the athlete’s actual physical attributes are (except for #1 on this list).
And while we’re here, there’s no way I’m going to make any comments about how there’s more to this ride than what’s shown in the commercial. I won’t suggest the ride then takes you to the free clinic under a Mexican alias and forces a Q-Tip into your unit to test your for certain sexually transmitted diseases. I also won’t suggest that the ride then darts off to the Georgia Dome where you flip off a hometown fan. You definately won’t hear me implying the Michael Vick experience also takes you to the airport where you must successfully smuggle weed through security, using any everyday item at your disposal. There’s no way I’m implying the Michael Vick Experience swings to a secluded pit-bull breeding ground, where you must successfully sell the cannines online to advance. I’m just above joking about any of that stuff happening.
14. Carmelo Anthony’s Last Shot
Just like the Jordan commercial I previously described, somehow Nike just fuses the music with the video perfectly in this one. That piano in the background, coupled with no words until the very end of the commercial, just gives me that spine-tingling feeling. I think I got that feeling twice today. Once watching this commercial, and once when I read this article. I’m sure it will be a facinating, um, story when that issue hits the stands…
13. The French-Canadian Goalie’s Disdain For Mats Sundin
Although this commercial’s comedic value has aged about as well as Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, I still have a guilty pleasure in finding it delightfully funny. The dialogue kills me: “That’s good. I’m not picking up Swedish people because they remind me of Mats Sundin!” Another great thing about this commercial is it reminded me how precarious it can be to take on a hockey player as an athlete to endorse a product. I mean, Mats Sundin has had a very good career with the Nordiques and Maple Leafs, but you don’t think Nike would’ve jumped all over using Jaromir Jagr, Nicklas Lidstrom, Joe Sakic, or Peter Forsberg in this spot instead knowing what we do today? It’s not nearly as bad as Nike flushing ad money into this former NBA superstar’s campaign, but I still say Nike would’ve chosen at least 5 or 6 guys instead of Sundin if they had a do-over on this commercial.
12. Michael Jordan - Frozen Moment
Since slow motion might have taken on a new significance based solely on Michael Jordan’s basketball ability, it’s only appropriate Nike emphasized slow motion heavily in one of his 9,643,651,002 commercials for the swoosh. However, I don’t get the use of the flooding sink, or the falling bike, or any of that non-related basketball stuff. Sure, this is a very good commercial (again, thank the music for a large part of that), but why not incorporate what else was really going on with the figures that were related to that game? Why not show Pat Riley in slow-motion coaching the Lakers and yelling expletives as Jordan cruises in for a dunk? Why not show Craig Hodges in slow motion grabbing his crotch on the bench as he racks up another ‘DNP - Coach’s Decision?’ That would’ve given this commercial some real believability.
11. Just Do It - Instant Karma!
I love this commercial, because I think it was from the late ’80’s and I wasn’t even 10 years old yet when I first saw it. But I remember running around the living room being so pumped up when it came on. Now granted, I may well have been the posterchild for Ritalin growing up, and John Lennon’s amazing music might have had more to do with my excitement than the actual commercial, but I still think this commercial showed how well Nike could craft an advertisement using no real huge athletes (though that guy at about 15 seconds in looks way too much like Scottie Pippen for my liking) and just an effective montage of sports clips and good music.
10. Sampras & Agassi - NYC
You know how I keep emphasizing how good the music of these commercials makes them? Well completely disregard that trait of a Nike commercial when you look at this one. Maybe it was the timeframe; the mid-90’s was the tail end of Nirvana and Pearl Jam taking grunge and ruling the pop charts, but even that fails as a justification for the music here since hearing the awful song in this ad may have been what pushed Kurt Cobain over the edge.
Nevertheless, as bad as the tunes are in this commercial, the rest of it is pretty damn cool. It may have been the first commercial to feature Sampras and Agassi, and probably was the beginning of the end for anyone really caring about men’s tennis in America. I mean, at this point (1995) these two guys were in the prime of their career, which thankfully lasted into the early 21st century, or else we might actually be duped into thinking that Andy Roddick or James Blake making an occasional Grand Slam Final every year was a cool thing.
9. Michael Jordan & Spike Lee - Is It The Shoes?
I was going to make a comment about how maybe the generation of video game playing kids could watch this commercial and realize ‘Is It The Shoes?’ was not, in fact, created by Midway when it made NBA Jam. Then I realized something. An entire generation has probably already passed who are now playing XBox and Nintendo Wii and who have no idea what NBA Jam, Sega Genesis, or Super Nintendo even is.
Or who Spike Lee is for that matter. Then again, maybe the fact that ‘Inside Man‘ is Spike’s biggest film this century, along with the Knicks’ amazing play and Reggie Miller’s retirement from the NBA, have more to do with Spike being relatively unknown among today’s adolescents, as opposed to the simple passage of time.
Naahhhh.
8. Lance Armstrong’s European Ride
God, maybe I missed something in the last couple centuries, but why don’t more advertisers use a damn piano in their commercials if there’s going to be music? It definately adds to the mystique of these things. At this point I think I could see a hybrid commercial for COMCAST and Wal-Mart, and if there was a good piano in it, I’d probably go spend hundreds with those companies. Although this is completely biased because I always liked Lance, I don’t think he was a doper, so I’m not going to make any cracks about it (it’s fair game if anyone wants to go Ivan Basso hunting, though) I also wouldn’t have been too upset if Nike could’ve thrown us an additional bone by working Sheryl Crow in here somewhere. Preferably on a beach. In a bikini.
7. Sergei Fedorov Skating Down The Rink
I love everything about this commercial, and I don’t like Sergei Fedorov at all. Where do we even start? How about the fact that there’s a clear view of a Jim Carey goalie in between the pipes? Where does his thievery of the Vezina trophy rank among all-time fluke seasons in any sport? It’s got to be pretty high on the list, considering his whopping descent into the minor leagues. I would venture to say he’s one solid arrest for something absurd like public masturbation from being able to say his hockey career parallels Patrick Swayze’s acting career, or the Road Dogg Jesse James’ WWF career. An amazingly solid apex that lasted for not too long of a time, and ultimately ended mired in mediocrity and trouble with the law.
You also have to love the almost Road Runner-esque music in this commercial, and Ron Hextall running down Sergei at the end with the zamboni. One flaw was why Nike didn’t show off Fedorov’s white skates more. If those things had gotten more national exposure, I bet the NHL could’ve experienced a reincarnation similar to what the Fab Five’s baggy shorts and black socks did for college basketball. Then again, probably not, since you could apply what I said about Nike wanting to take back Sundin as a spokesman twice as much to Fedorov.
6. Tiger Woods Bouncing Golf Ball
The simplicity of this commercial leaves me with little to talk about. The absurdity of doing what Tiger does in this commercial leaves me with nothing to joke about. Well, except the fact that none of that crap helps anyone golf.
5. Charles Barkley’s Not A Role Model
I like the message of this commercial. Normally, all I care about with commercials are their entertainment value. But Charles raises a very good point in this ad. And I love how pure Charles this commercial is; he says what’s on his mind and he isn’t a role model. Like the time he commented on TNT’s NBA Halftime show about what an amazing butt Beyonce had. Or the time he (sort of) rallied to John Daly’s defense in gambling away over $100 million. Or the time Sega Genesis put out a basketball video game starring Barkley that actually yelled at the kid playing it to ‘go get the damn ball’ if the ball got knocked loose.
Charles is not a role model.
4. Do Anything
Wow. What an awesome concept. Switching famous athletes and putting them in totally different, unbelievable sports (sans Randy Johnson as a bowler, which is scary believable). I like to write in a heavily sarcastic tone; I’m not being sarcastic at all right now. To me, this advertising idea is like Honey Nut Cheerios, Playboy, and The Bottom Line Ticker on ESPN. It just seems so obviously a great idea in hindsight. One can only wonder how this wasn’t thought of earlier. Why was there ever a time in the existence of man where these ideas weren’t being used?
3. Chicks Dig The Long Ball
This commercial may have vaulted 5 spots on my list based solely on all the questions that it posed which have been resoundingly answered in the time since it was made in the late 90’s. For instance, when Tom Glavine belts out ‘How long are they going to worship this guy?’; we now know the answer to be roughly mid-2005, when Big Mac was essentially proven to be a big, fat cheater. At this point, I wouldn’t be suprised if I caught Mark McGwire kicking his ball out of the rough the next time he goes out and ‘dominates’ one of those celebrity golf pro-ams. Hey, he’s already got his defense all worked out if someone calls him out on it: “I’m not here to talk about the past…”. What a pile of crap. Maybe I’ll try that one next time someone brings up those dead hookers in my trunk (sorry, the SNL 90’s special on NBC last Sunday got me a little nostalgiac for some Norm MacDonald humor).
One more question this commercial answers along the same lines is whether or not ‘it really is the shoes’ (a reference to #9 on this list), as the billboard alleges. Well, again, we got the answer. If shoes are illegal substances that you inject into your body to become abnormally strong, then for Big Mac, it was indeed the shoes that made him so great.
2. Air Jordan XXI
Now that we’re this deep in the list, and I’m going to start raving again about how much music and a piano can make a commercial like this great, you can officially to go tell me to marry a piano. But this is just such an awesome concept. And for those people who didn’t turn on a TV during 2005-2006, the actual commercial didn’t show Jordan’s real moves, but someone took the time to sync them on YouTube. I don’t know what kind of loser has that kind of time, but it’s got to be someone who doesn’t having anything important to do, like typing gigantic lists that a99.9% of the population doesn’t care about.
But all joking aside and getting straight to the point, I dare anyone to say that they didn’t have goosebumps watching this commercial for the first time. Just amazing.
1. Bo Knows…
Like I said when I was talking about the Mike Vick experience, this is the best commercial ever at playing up an athlete’s actual attributes. I mean, if the Vick experience captured how dynamic Mike Vick is as a scrambling quarterback, this commercial definately captured how absurdly versatile Bo Jackson was as an all-around athlete. Sure, he never played any of those sports (aside from football and baseball) at a professional level, but do you really think he couldn’t have excelled at a lot of them? I don’t.
And on that note, I’m going to pull a David Letterman Top 10 List and get out with a quick, not-funny explanation for my number one pick. I don’t have a good reason like Letterman does (apparently #1 is always really weak because the band follows up the reason and the crowd can’t be heard laughing very well on TV) for not being funny with this explanation, but then again I’m really not funny at all so it’s a moot point.
Bo knows…hockey? Still classic.