Mr. Evans needs some lessons from the King…
Well, looks like club soccer coach Benjamin Evans has seen Chris Hansen in action enough to know that sending AOL IM’s or visiting online chat rooms in an effort to solicit sex from a minor is a very bad idea. So what did Evans do to avoid this pressing dilemna that is such a thorn in all of our sides? He decided to go to the good old text message to solicit sex from Hannah Montana’s peers.
Evans, 23, allegedly met a 13-year-old girl at a summer soccer camp he was coaching earlier this month. The police report goes on to say that Evans began sending his texts pre-pubescent girl on August 2nd, and the report further details that in the course of their text conversation, Evans hinted that he might pay her for sexual favors. By August 6th, the girl’s mom miraculously found out about the text messages that would make Jenna Jameson blush and called the cops. In a sting for the ages, the cops then used the girl’s phone to arrange to meet Evans last Tuesday night after a text message conversation during which Evans inquired if the young lassie wanted to perform oral sex on him and then told her how to do it.
Man, this guy is a L-O-S-E-R. I mean, if you’re going to try and solicit underage girls for sexual favors, at least you should be able to do it without having to pay for it. It sounds like Mr. Evans needs a crash course 101 in sexual solicitation of minors for free from Professor Jackson at Neverland University. But hey, at least he was kind enough to give the youngster instructions on how to perform oral sex. Can’t say he wasn’t at least spreading some knowledge. Although I’m not sure the world needs to have any knowledge this guy possesses spread.
And based solely on the content of this article, I will actually throw out a disclaimer that all of this is pure sarcasm. Obviously this guy is a pud the likes of which should be sent to Federal “Pound Me In The Ass Prison”. Now let’s get Chris Hansen and Shaq on that task ASAP.
-NEIL
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