“Mate, trust me, just watch Silence Of The Lambs and tell me what I did wasn’t awesome!”
In whatever the hell Australia’s national rugby league is called, some rather disturbing news has made its way to the front of the country’s sports section. Well, unless you’re Mike Tyson who, to borrow a phrase from the immortal Bret Michaels, would be “kinda turned on” by this news.
It appears as though Canterbury Bulldogs forward Brad Morrin has been suspended for eight games for sinking his molars into Parramatta centre Timana Tahu during a match between the two teams last Friday. Not addressing the obvious irony with respect to his actions (biting) and the nickname of his team (Dogs), Morrin spoke about his cannibal-esque activity after the match concluded, and made it abundantly clear this was out of character for him:
“It’s not the sort of bloke I am and not the sort of player I am…”
Well, as long as it’s not the sort of bloke you are, Brad, then I’m cool with it. I don’t know Australian lingo too well, but if ‘bloke’ means ‘person who doesn’t sink his teeth into another humanoid’s flesh’, then I have to disagree with Marrin. Somehow, I don’t think people would’ve bought it if Iron Mike had come out and assured the world that he’s “not that sort of bloke or boxer” after he used his teeth to make Evander Holyfield’s ear look like something out of Star Trek years ago.
I think Marrin would’ve been better off just claiming he was malnourished. That definitely would’ve resonated better with the blokes down under. Instead Marrin has let down his whole country, including the immortal Paul Hogan. Way to go, mate!
-NEIL
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