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Good thing the little Aussie peckers weren’t able to align and fire a mass shot like this…

Let’s thank God that the revolutionary concept of gunpowder has apparently not made its way to The Land Down Under yet. When I was a young teen, I remember being concerned with trying to score with chicks. When I was a mid-aged teen, I remember being concerned with how I was going to get booze. When I was nearing the end of my teenage years, I remember being concerned with how I was going to do both of those things in one night. But I can honestly say that at no point during my adolescence, let alone at any point during my entire life, was I ever concerned with making sure I could rob a local sporting goods store to shoot arrows into a crowded youth soccer game field for sh**s and giggles. I guess that bizarre source of teenage fun just never made its way into the Midwestern United States. What a shame.

Sadly, reverting to the Middle Ages and re-enacting the scene in Robin Hood where the merry men’s camp is fired upon by the Sherriff of Nottingham’s troops is apparently all the rage in Albury, Australia (sorry that clip’s not the right scene, but I think the foreign voices are too funny to ignore). Several teenagers thought it would be hillarious to steal some bows and arrows and open fire on a youth soccer game. Believe it or not, no one else seemed to find this act funny. Excluding listening to Carrot Top, I can’t think of anything less funny than shooting arrows at kids playing soccer and their parents.

Constable Simon ‘Insightful Quotes’ Steel, one of the officers to respond to this debacle, delivered some very insightful opinions on this incident:

“It was a recipe for disaster…There was no regard for public safety. They were firing towards a group of people so those arrows could have gone anywhere.”

Thank God Steel was there to clear up those lingering issues for me. I almost couldn’t tell this was a dangerous situation where public safety was obviously not being considered by the perpetrators. Maybe we can get Peter Sellers on this case to crack it next.

-NEIL

Here are some good reads:

• VIDEO: A Grandma Who Should’ve Brought Her Reading Glasses To The Game
• Video: Tottenham Fan Charges Field To Attack Frank Lampard; American Sports Fans Left To Google “Frank Lampard” & “Tottenham”
• Neil’s Bet: Chelsea FC (-.5) Over Tottenham Hotspur