Tony’s shedding any potential for future alimony payments just like he sheds those tackles - without any backbone
Kansas City Chiefs tight end Tony Gonzalez wants his girlfriend to know just how much he loves her, so he’s planning on doing what any man in that situation would do: Tony’s going to pledge his love to girlfriend October Russell in a formal commitment ceremony. Essentially, Gonzalez will go through the motions of having a wedding, but not sign anything legally, undoubtedly to protect his rather large monetary fortune.
What this basically means is that at some point in the last 30 years, Tony Gonzalez has been castrated. Seriously, Tony, show a little backbone. If you don’t have the guts to ask for the pre-nuptial agreement, then don’t go through with all these made-up theatrics. I wonder what Gonzalez will do to baptize his child? Maybe just take him upstairs, say a quick ‘Our Father’, and sprinkle some water from the toilet bowl on the baby’s forehead. How many other sacred traditions can Gonzalez’ hack-up because he’s got no balls whatsoever? If Tony Gonzalez were eight years old and on GUTS, I’d bet he’d finish last and get knocked off the Agro-Crag by those falling green styrofoam boulders - that’s how unmanly he’s become.
Anyone who wants to come over to my place this summer for my first annual ‘formal bashing of Tony Gonzalez ceremony’ is welcome to join. We’re not going to go to the game and boo him, that would just be too expensive.
-NEIL
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