Shaq can’t be patronizing the Vegas night life, or else his mammoth wife would clearly destroy him.
Accused of running a prostitution ring, Vegas madam Esperanza Brooks dropped the bomb on authorities recently when she disclosed her girls’ clientele included the man who “don’t fake the funk on a nasty dunk” and everyone’s favorite Slick Willy, Bill Clinton.
Now, I don’t know the credibility of this woman, but I can say she was born with one of the best hooker names ever. Usually those poor souls have to go through the agony of coming up with some crazy, Final Fantasy sounding hooker alias like Jaqueen, Trinity, or Analona. But Ms. Brooks was blessed with being born with a superb hooker name like Esperanza right out of the womb. With a name like Esperanza, you only have so many options for potential lines of employment in life, and I think she found her calling as a lady of the night. It’s just like if a guy is named Jeeves - I’m pretty sure he’s all set to be a butler. Or if a guy is named Guido, he’s probably pigeon-holed into either being a hitman or selling the rights to his life story to Rockstar for the next installment of Grand Theft Auto.
Anyway, there’s been no confirmation as to if Big Daddy’s been putting his Shaq Diesel to work on these Vegas broads, or if Bill Clinton has been paying to have his Slick Willy slobbed on by these prostitutes, and frankly I don’t want to know. Nevertheless, if this is true, there’s clearly a major problem here that needs to be addressed. How in the world can Bill Clinton and Shaq have to pay for sex in Vegas? Nothing bad can possibly come from finding some innocent young girl for a consensual rendevouz, right? Oh, wait…maybe Shaq hasn’t forgot about Kobe after all.
-NEIL
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