Leave it to some Buckeye from Ohio to come up with an idea that is borderline the stupidest suggestion I’ve ever heard and actually think this could ever be considered a good idea. Local golfer Jeremy Clary of Ohio apparently tries to emulate John Daly’s life, and while I bet Clary can putt about as effectively as Happy Gilmore before Chubbs takes him putt-putt golfing and drive about as effectively as Jean Van De Velde on the 18th hole of The British Open, Clary certainly can do his idol proud when it comes to getting boozed up and doing outlandish things.
Clary, sporting a measley two DUI arrests, decided midway through his round of 18 (and probably more than midway through a case of Icehouse) that he needed to get eight miles across town to congratulate a friend on his wedding. Obviously, this was a very important wedding, as Clary chose to get bombed on the local links rather than attend, but nevertheless, Clary was hellbent on offering his congratulations no matter what. So he did what all logical human beings would do: he decided he would take his golf cart, which travels somewhere just short of ‘Ludacris Speed’ from Spaceballs (I’m pretty sure this cart went about ten MPH), and drive on the local highways to get to the wedding. Believe it or not, the police were able to pick up Clary and charge him with DUI.
Now I will say that the cop in the video on the site is way too big of a hardass; I don’t think this guy was going to hurt anyone going slower than I jog driving a golf cart, except maybe his own stupid ass. But I mean, who in their right mind would think they could hijack a golf cart from a local course and drive hammered eight miles on real roads without getting caught? Obviously this guy, who pulls out the ironclad ‘it’s not a vehicle, it’s a golf cart’ defense when the cops ask him why he’s driving drunk (can’t believe that one didn’t work - about 45 seconds in).
I guess we can all learn a lesson here. If you’re going to get hammered golfing and you need to get somewhere else, have a sober friend steal the golf cart and drive you across town.
-NEIL
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